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Keith Allen

Keith and co visited the Burnham Rio to film a interview...













Keith Hi Alejandrio, your dad has got a great Cinema here.
Alejandro Do you think you could get me a job as an extra in one of your shows?
Keith Ah-ha - I've heard about your stiff acting. I could possibly get you a walk on part in the "Body Farm".
Alejandro As what?
Keith A stiff of course.
Alejandro Then its not a walk on part is it?
Keith [email protected]#?%$ smart arse!

Maldon Embassy

Below we have a digital copy of the wonderfully Art-Deco Embassy Opening Programme that once stood in Maldon. Please check out the link below the following picture for a PDF of the entire programme.



Maldon Embassy Grand Opening Programme (Click to open)
Cafe Embassy Cinema Maldon - Serving dainty teas at popular prices.


Ultra decadent - Nice!

Worldwide Rio

Amusing Alternatives

Here we take an alternative look at some of the more popular films...

Alien
Ships Captain - If any of you lot put your heads over those pods, you'll be shot and not taken back on the ship. THE END

Braveheart
Aye Willy, we are bound to win if we show England our bottoms!

UP
Shopkeeper - 700,000 balloons would cost about 25,000 dollars and you'd probably be shot down as a terrorist attack. You could go with American Airlines Economy Class for 650 pounds return. THE END

Mama Mia
Sophie - I really dont have a clue who my father is. It could be one of three men.
Jeremy Kyle - The DNA results are in... and the your father is... Harry Bright. THE END

Citizen Kane
Charlie Foster Kane - Rosebud, Rosebud... agghhh (Kane Dies...)
Housekeeper talking to reporter - That would be the old sledge hanging up in the Garage.

Lord of the Ring
Gandalf - What are you doing today Bilbo Baggins?
Bilbo - Just sending this old ring to - webuyanygold.com
Gandalf - It will be melted down for scrap...
Bilbo - Not my problem THE END

The Blues Brothers
Mother Superior - We need 5000 dollars to save the Orphanage
Elwood - I've got some money saved up in an instant access cash ISA - will a cheque do?
Mother Superior - That'll do nicely. THE END

Planet of the Apes
Taylor (Talking to the Chimps) - Hey little dudes, we've got a statue just like that on the planet I come from. Ours is in better shape though. Anyone got a welding kit? THE END

Home Alone
Harry (On the phone) - Is that social services... Good - can you get someone around immediately to number 2034 Maine. Kevin McCallister needs to be taken into care until his parents return from Paris.
Marv - Nice one Harry

Alice in Wonderland
Alice's Dad - Have you been drinking the Toilet Duck again? THE END

Despicable Me
Despicable Me is about a single Eastern European criminal type who convinced the local social services that he would be an ideal foster parent for 3 cute young orphan girls. He also has a team of workers called the Minions whom he pays considerably less than the minimum wage.
A spokesperson for Social Services commented "There are lessons to be learnt here, but I wont resign-they always are and the never do.

Murder on the Orient Express
Station Master to Ticket Clark - Dont sell any tickets to that [email protected]£#@% Poirot otherwise theres bound to be a murder THE END

Captain Philips
Captain Philips :- What are you doing there?
Maintenance Guy :- Just welding an inexpensive add-on to the railing so that Pirates cant get their ladders up.
Captain Philips :- Good idea! THE END